chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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