he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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