dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize