he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
