hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
