i don't plan on having that self control this summer
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
