One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
