Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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