It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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