U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
