you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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