your parents love me but you hate me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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