My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
