You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
