birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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