yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize