you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
