Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
