ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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