Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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