It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize