Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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