I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
