they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
