I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
