i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
