It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
