I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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