I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
