I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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