Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize