take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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