it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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