I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
