what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
