I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
