I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize