The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
