Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
