I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
