If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
