woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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