Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
