It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
