a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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