Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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