No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
