we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
