so that wasnt chicken after all
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
