C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
