I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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