you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
