you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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