She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
