Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
