Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
