Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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