Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
