So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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