You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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