covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
