i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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