i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
