Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize