hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
