Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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