Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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