sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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