so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
