the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
