grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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