Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
