forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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