so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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