Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
