so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
