goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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