fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
