Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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