How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
