Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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