i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
