Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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