he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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