we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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