I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
