I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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