this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
sarcasm needs its own font
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
