The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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