Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
