We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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