The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
