You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
