We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
