I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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