I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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