you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
